Monday, October 1, 2007

diagnosing my neck... the results show

The judges have voted and much like Josie Maran (whoever she is) on Dancing with the Stars, cancer is the first ailment eliminated from my possible neck issues.

It turns out I have something kind of like a kangaroo pouch in my neck. When I swallow it's pushed open just like the pouch of a kangaroo diving into a swimming pool. Sometimes food gets caught in this pouch. Most people with this problem report many many disgusting symptoms which include "coughing up" uneaten or undigested food, rancid breath, problems breathing, problems swallowing... None of which I have.

My kangaroo neck pouch is NOT in the usual place, or at least not in the place doctors find them most of the time. That means operating to shut the pouch and hose out any material it may have collected is not a simple process. Actually ANY surgury in the neckal region is not a simple process... there are a lot of tubes and wires in that little space. One of the nerves that controls my larynx is one of those wires. It looks like that nerve has become kind of intermingled with the kangaroo pouch (which has really become kind of a kangaroo tube). Severing or damaging that nerve could qualify me for a spot on the local boys choir. Remember the "High Talker" on Seinfeld?

How they can see all this is beyond me... I can't wait to have them show me what these tests look like.

So the good news: not cancer. The bad news: not easily fixable.


Jay said...

Well, I don't really know what to say, then. I mean, certainly glad it's not cancer, but there's still something to worry about, so I guess I'll do that until you're better.

Matt said...

Well, I'm glad that you found it's not cancer (as you are too, I'm sure!).

"Neckal region". That made me laugh.

Mike said...

So... you are a marsupial?

Kidding, of course. Glad to hear it isn't more serious.

Anonymous said...

As Carrie Donovan exc;aimed in those fabulous Old Navy commercials of yore— "Pockets? Fantastic!!!"

Paul said...

Do they think this is something new? Or something you've always had?

Even with it's disgusting symptoms, there are a lot of things that could be worse. I'd say you're blessed.

Anonymous said...

Well it def. is good news that you don't have cancer. I'm sure a fix will happen soon. Maybe they'll make your neck bionic ;)

Jef said...

I shall light the Elvis candle for you and visualize you fixed.