Saturday, March 3, 2007

Why do something today...

...that can wait until tomorrow?

Issue 1 - For the first time since 1999 my job has become stressful. There have been INSTANCES of stress at work, even PERIODS of stress, but nothing like this continuous stress I feel as though I am under now. I've put it all on myself of course... I'm a procrastinator. If I am not given a deadline, I'll wait till I'm reminded about something to get it done. I'm a shitty employee. I am looking for other opportunities. Difficult because what I do is fairly specialized. I've managed to get really good at this one thing and I've managed to get to a point where I'm overpaid for doing it. So I can't make what I make doing what I do someplace else, and on paper I don't appear qualified to do anything else. Conundrum.

Issue 2 - Despite my assertion that I'm overpaid, I'm fairly broke. Not B-R-O-K-E, but definitely not swimmin' in dough. Before this new condo I was living large... now I'm just large and living.

Which brings us to Issue 3 - My size 38 waist jeans are loose, but my 36's are a little snug. I'm not trim. It's bothering me. The elevators in this new condo are nearing completion finally. The interiors are getting all fitted out with MIRRORED WALLS! Every time I leave the building via the lobby or go to get my mail I have to ride down in the 360 degree mirror from What Not to Wear:

When the doors open I expect to see Clinton and Stacy appear and start commenting on how that shirt makes my manboobs look more boobier or how my Old Navy cargos highlight my severe case of gone ass. Don't EVEN let them get started on my shoes... I KNOW I need shoes, OK? The cure for this... I know, eat less and do more... but I'm not willing to reverse the polarity on those just yet. Maybe I'll just take the stairs.

Issue 4 - Don't really want to get into it. Trust me, it's pithy and unconsequential. It's buggin the hell out of me though. I'll just say it involves a healthcare professional and a minor case of hypochondria (self diagnosed of course) and leave it at that.

Issue 5 - Issue 5 is TOP SECRET. The chance that this information could fall into the wrong hands simply by being written down is too great a chance to take. There is too much at risk. It's a double whammy of a decision. I KNOW the right thing to do, but I also know how much I want to do the wrong thing. I also know the consequences (potential and otherwise) of each of my possible actions or inaction. It's a moral/ethical thing and despite what you may have heard about atheists we DO have both morals AND ethics. The difference is we don't have anyone to blame (Satan) if things go horribly wrong or give credit to (God) if things go wonderfully right. The blame lies squarely on me. The deadline for this decision is coming quickly which is good because it prevents procrastination, but bad because I don't want to make it.

There are more issues... but I'll deal with them later.


Matt said...

I think you're a bit too hard on yourself in general. Stresses come and go, decisions get made, right and wrong things will happen. I'm not trying to degradew your worries, but realize that somehow, it will all work out. Trust me. :)

And, from the VERY few pictures of yourself that anyone has seen (*ahem*), I think you look a lot better than you give yourself credit for. Condobloggers are cute, ya know.

Maddog said...

Boy do you have issues. Of course on the outside looking in they don't look so bad, but I'm sure you'd say the same thing about me.

I feel your pain with the work situation. I'm qualified to do one thing and the only job open right now is in Iowa and I don't want it. What to do, what to do.

Brandon said...

Top secret? Aw. Well I hope things work out.

Paul said...

WOW. Anything we can do to help? I hate to just be a bystander.