Performance Anxiety

Thanks to my embarrassing hobby I get tons of spam. I last cleaned out my "bulk" folder at 1:30 this morning. It's just before 9 am as I write this and I already have 82 emails that have been identified as spam in there now. Those 82 do not include any emails that were blocked or automatically trashed thanx to filters. Crazy!

Last night I got an unsolicited email from a shopping site... can't remember which one, wouldn't give them the pleasure of linking to them anyway... that said exactly how many shopping days are left till the 25th. It was 13... today I think we are down to 12. I used to really like this holiday, but now man, it is just another deadline. A deadline with BIG expectations. People have bought you things and are expecting things in return!

So far I have bought 1 thing. I have at least 6 more things that I definitely have to buy. 5 of those things are going to be gift certificates. How boring is that!? I mean, I know the recipients will use the gift certificates... and I know they will like them... but I did that last year, AND the year before. Just feels really uninspired.

One gift I have to make. Actually create with my own two hands. This stems from an agreement my boyfriend and I made one year when money was really tight for me and we were planning a big trip that I was trying to save for. We agreed that at Christmas we would MAKE our gifts for each other. To this day I still keep and use all the things he's made me over the years. They mean so much more to me than a sweater or a gift certificate. Our great plan has kind of been eroded over the past couple Christmas' though and in addition to our homemade things, some bought presents have been exchanged. He's already told me he's bought some things again this year, and so in addition to the pressure to come up with some really cool homemade thing I also have do find something cool to buy!

I'm still adjusting to the change in my financial life that This New Condo has caused... and I don't know if I'm going to be able to be as fancy with my gifts as he will be this year... and I STILL have no idea what to make (I usually have the made thing done by the end of November). I just really don't like this pressure to perform. It makes me angry... and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.....



CONDOBLOGGER SMASH CHRISTMAS!

Maybe all this is just a manifestation of the fact that I went to and really liked a performance of A Christmas Carol on Sunday at the Alliance Theater. The stage was amazing. I'm usually more interested in the stagecraft than the play, no matter what play it is (my favorite is the amazing, morphing set in Les Miserables, not a big fan of the play, but the stage is incredible). Somehow the spirit of Ebanezer Scrooge has invaded my being, like a bit of undigested beef. A solid performance though, great stage, great effects, cool multicultural cast. Ebanezer's housekeeper STOLE the show, she was very good. Young Ebanezer of Christmas past was kind of hot too, even with the elizabethan muttonchop sideburns.

OK... I'm off to clean out my spam folder... maybe I will find inspiration there... more likely that I will just find more ads to enlarge parts of me, mortgage quotes, a letter from a Nigerian banker and more reminders that I am WAY behind in my shopping.